


A Toast to Modern Scientists

by The_Selective_Participater



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Because science, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Mad Science, Science
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-21
Updated: 2015-06-21
Packaged: 2018-04-05 09:36:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4174929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Selective_Participater/pseuds/The_Selective_Participater
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Science isn’t all fun and games, unless it is.<br/>Or<br/>Four times Tony screwed stuff up and One time he didn’t.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing.

Boundaries were things that Tony was vaguely aware of. He knew what they were and what happened when you crossed them. But Tony being Tony honestly couldn’t give a rat’s ass. And that, at least to him, was the key element to pulling a successful prank.

He’d already selected a target. Good o’l trusting Steve. Should he feel bad for messing with the guy so much? Yes. But did he? Not really, no. Plus Rogers was easy prey, the rest of the team were beginning to wise up to his trickster ways and that was no fun. His latest prank was a stroke of genius if he did say so himself. A more scientific twist to the classic hair dye in the shampoo trick.  
Tony was an engineer so it made sense for him to up his game a bit and create a chemical compound that not only changed the victim’s-er-subject’s hair color but would continue to alternate their hair color for the next couple of days. At least that was what it was supposed to do.

That is not what it does.

Of course he never expected it to backfire but as he tripped over Steve’s hair for the fourth damn time in an hour he knew for certain that he messed up in a major way. Yes, Steve’s usual blond tresses turned into a raven black but it didn’t change colors and it also didn’t stop _growing_.

After the initial confrontation, or Steve storming in to chastise him while he laughed in a ball on the floor with tears streaming down his face until Steve couldn’t help but join in, Steve came back an hour later ebony hair trailing behind him like a dark bridal train. Yeah he laughed for another 15 minutes but that stopped when he tripped over a coiled section of hair and twisted his ankle.

Karma’s a bitch.

Steve, bless him, was taking it all in stride. While Tony worked on a way to reverse what he now dubbed the Rapunzel Effect, Steve sat quietly on a stool while Sam, who Tony may or may not have called to laugh at Steve with him, made intricate braids in his still growing hair.

Tony Stark, genius, billionaire, philanthropist was now working on a formula to stop Captain America from turning into a real life Disney princess while the Falcon sat braiding his hair with an intense concentration usually reserved for battle.

Man his life is weird.


	2. Chapter 2

The first thing that he’s aware of is a high pitched ringing in his ears, and someone incessantly shaking him which they needed to stop doing because _holy crap_ everything hurts and why the hell does he feel like the Hulk went to town on him and-

“-ony? Dude can you hear me? Tony open your eyes damn it.” He does and he’s met with Clint’s concerned gaze hovering above his own face and he realizes he’s lying on the ground, in the kitchen, or what’s left of it.

With Clint’s help he manages to stand on shaky legs and looks around to access the damage. Almost ever surface is scorched, pots pans and other utensils and appliances are scattered in every direction and he’s pretty sure those are spoons imbedded in the ceiling. And holy shit where the oven once stood is a charred smoldering black lump. U is whirring around frantically spraying foam on every possible surface including the two soot covered men.

“I swear to Odin if you don’t stop I’ll dismantle you and turn you into a Roomba.” At Tony’s threat U raced away spraying foam randomly as it escaped.

“Yeah, this was a disaster.” Clint spoke up next to him picking at strands of singed hair.

“What _happened_?”

“Pure bad-assery happened, that’s what.”

“No really, Clint. I don’t- can’t remember.” Tony knows he’s rambling but there’s a huge black hole in his memory and it’s starting to freak him out, just a bit. Clint frowns at him before patting his shoulder reassuringly.

“Ok. Calm down buddy. You probably have a minor concussion. You hit the wall pretty hard.”

“What??”

“Hey Jarv, can you pull up the footage from about ten minutes ago?” Clint says in the general vicinity of a mounted sensor.

_Certainly sir._

A holographic screen pulls up and Tony watches as he and Clint stoop to look at something in the oven before turning away. A few seconds pass before the oven freaking implodes. Clint is thrown across the kitchen counter and immediately tucks into a defensive position, protecting his head. Tony on the other hand is thrown headfirst into a wall and promptly crumples bonelessly to the ground. Yeah that explained the ringing in his ears and the fact that the world was a bit fuzzy around the edges. He’s 67% sure that he will barf in the next 10 minutes. Or black out. Or both. Instead he turns to Clint and asks, “What was in there? A bomb? Did we make another bomb?”

“No bro. Cookies.”

“I’m sorry what? Cookies? Cookies did this?” He gestured at the wreckage.

“Not _just_ cookies. Our genetically modified _super_ cookies. We were working on them all morning Tones. The ultimate chocolate chip cookies. They just happened to be a bit…unstable.” Clint grinned picking up a charred circle off of the ground and offering it to him.

“Yeah, no thanks Robin Hood. I like my guts where they are, on the inside of my body…wait…where are my eyebrows? Aw fuck.”

“If you can’t take the heat stay out of the kitchen Stark.”

The toaster missed Clint by two inches.


	3. Chapter 3

“Ow! Geez ease up will you.” Tony yelped.

“Shut up, you don’t get to complain. This is _your_ fault.” Natasha replied yanking on his hair for the trillionth time that day.

“I’ve already said I’m sorry about a million times already. It was an accident.”

“I don’t _care_ ; I will make your life a living _nightmare_ until you fix this.” She emphasized her point with another vicious yank. Tony hissed and resisted the urge to shake his head and dislodge the mini assassin but thought better against it. Clint would eviscerate him and Phil…well he rather not think about that.

When he said mini, he really meant mini.

At the moment Natasha Romanoff was about 9 inches tall but no less deadly.

Maybe Tony was bored.  
Maybe he watched Honey I Shrunk the Kids. Three times in a row.  
Maybe he had one too many.  
Maybe he made a shrinking ray of his own. And maybe, just maybe Tasha snuck up on him and scared the living shit out of him. And it was possible that he startled and shot her with the shrinking ray at point blank. And now here he was bent over a the dismantled gun with the Black Widow settled comfortably on top of his head while he worked- _slaved_ \- away.

After an hour of silently working his hands stilled when he heard the tell tale sound of deep even breathing.

“Tash?”

His question was answered with silence and he risked reaching up and scooping the red head in his hands and slowly brought them down to see the sleeping mini Avenger. Now that she wasn’t tearing follicles from his scalp Natasha looked kind of…cute. In sleep her expression was less pensive, not so guarded.  
He carefully tucked her into the crook of his arm, close to his chest where it was warm and smiled when she unconsciously turned away from the light of the arc reactor and gripped his thumb.

No he did _not_ coo. He absolutely did not.


	4. Chapter 4

Clint and Natasha are just coming back from a week long mission when they round the corner. Before Tony can say anything Thor is upon them.

“My S.H.I.E.L.D. brother and sister how I am overjoyed to see you alive and well!” Thor bellows before crushing Clint and Natasha in a hug that honest to God makes Clint squeak.

“C-can’t breathe!” Clint wheezes and Thor loosens his grip but doesn’t let go. Natasha is staring right at him from under Thor’s enormous arm and Tony feels that she somehow can sense that this is his doing and yeah…it might have been. Maybe.

“When I was informed of your perilous mission I was devastated for I was unable to assist you. You may have been slayed!” Thor has yet to release his hold and Tony now feels both Natasha and Clint’s stare boring into the side of his face.

“I could not bear to lose you! I will accompany you on your future endeavors and kill those who mean you harm. I will strike with the swift justice of the Asynjur!”

“What did you do?” Clint and Natasha say in unison while Thor continues his speech sans audience.

“What makes you think I did something?” Tony still hasn’t looked at them but he’s working up the courage to.

“You’re always doing something. Why is Goldilocks so…” Clint flaps his free hand around.

“Affectionate? Clingy? Yeah I know, I’ve been with him this whole time. I still think at least three of my ribs are shattered. But this time it was definitely not my fault.”

And it really wasn’t. Thor had the unbreakable habit of drinking and eating anything and everything in his line of site and that included colorful liquids in glasses and beakers. Which was exactly what happened the day before when the Norse god swept into his lab and downed a whole beaker of a purplish liquid before he could protest. And ever since Tony has been a victim of spontaneous rib crushing hugs and the blond trailing behind him like a forlorn puppy. And damn Thor and his cerulean puppy dog eyes, he just couldn’t get mad at him. But now that Clint and Natasha were here (Bruce could be a ninja when he chose to be) Thor’s attention was drawn elsewhere and he could work on reversing whatever this was.

He started to slowly back out of the room but Thor and his super human senses noticed and his eyes immediately started to swim, again. For the fifth time in an hour.

“Friend Stark do I p-pester you?” Aw crap Tony really couldn’t handle when Thor looked at him as if he spit-roasted his kitten.

“No, not at all buddy.” He replied inching closer.

“Just get over here you idiot.” Natasha growled before pulling him in and Thor instinctively grabbed on to the smaller man and tightened his grip on all three of them.

“You, my brothers and sister, mean the world to me.”

Ok.

Ok he was not ready for that.

 

“R-right back at’cha buddy.”


	5. Chapter 5

This is a disaster of epic proportions. To put it bluntly he fucked up.

Bruce made to reach out to the boy and is kicked in the chin for his efforts. It didn’t work the first ten times and it certainly didn’t work that time.

“That looked like it hurt.” Clint spoke behind him.

“No kidding.” He replied, pointedly glaring at the smiling archer.

Still crouching from his position next to the lab table he watched as the boy scrambled even further underneath the table. He looks ridiculously small, swamped in the oversized shirt and very frightened. His knees are drawn and scrawny arms are wrapped around them in an attempt to make himself even smaller. Bruce can’t help but notice the glow of the arc reactor taking up a disturbingly large amount of the child’s chest.

This was his life. Here he was crawling underneath a table on a Tuesday morning trying to draw out a four?five? year old Tony Stark.

So far Tony hasn’t responded to anyone. He just sits there silently staring at them with wide brown eyes tracking their every move. And Bruce tries not to think about how similar Tony’s actions are to a trapped animal.  
This was all a result of his careless actions and he had to fix it but he couldn’t do that if every time he came within a five foot radius of the young boy he would start to hyperventilate.

The previous night he and Tony were experimenting with the chemical compounds that kept Tony’s Extremis stable when he thought he found something that would make it so Tony didn’t have to worry about losing control of it under stress. Tony of course, insisted they tried it right then and there without further testing. And Bruce, who couldn’t deny Tony anything when he looked at him with that trusting look of his, injected the genius with the chemical solution and left Tony to ‘finish science-ing’. He walked into the lab the next morning and found the sleeping boy curled up on the ground in Tony’s clothing. When his attempts to talk to Tony didn’t work he called the rest of the team but they too had no luck. When Tony saw Steve he downright went catatonic. They’re all distracted when Phil walks in.

“What are we all staring at? Where’s T-“ He’s cut off when he unexpectedly has an armful of Tony who wraps his arms around Phil’s neck, legs around his waist and buries his face in the crook of his neck.

The team stares at Phil who seems unperturbed by the fact that Tony is now a _child_ , and is holding on to him like a lifeline.

“Uh...” Bruce brilliantly says, his brain taking its sweet time to catch up with his mouth. Clint’s jaw is scraping against the ground. Natasha stares, head tilted slightly to the side and Thor is grinning ear to ear.

“Kids like me.” Phil responds simply while rubbing Tony’s back. Tony lifts his head long enough to whisper something into his ear and hides his face once again.

“Anyone knows how to make chocolate chip pancakes?” Phil asks, shifting Tony into a more comfortable position against his hip.

“I can.” Steve volunteers, already making his way out of the lab followed by the others. Bruce instead sat at the nearest table, brain already filled with chemical compounds and possible genetic manipulations. He needed to fix this, Tony trusted him. _Trusted_. And he screwed up.

“Hey.” Bruce jumped, not realizing Phil was still in the lab with him. “Put the science on hold for a moment. You’re going to eat pancakes with the rest of us.”

“But-“

“Pancakes Bruce.”

“I have to-“

“Bruce…” At the sound of the soft voice he looked at and was met with Tony’s chestnut stare. “Bruce, pancakes?” The question was tentative and a small fist clenched in Phil’s suit as if he was afraid of the answer.

Bruce would work until he found a way to fix his friend, there was no doubt about that. No matter how long it took. But for now, pancakes sounded pretty damn good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and Please Science Responsibly.


End file.
